


No Good In Goodbye

by FinalEclipse_284



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Angst, Beach Volleyball, Car Accidents, Dancing, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fist Fights, Implied/Referenced Sex, Kissing, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Near Death Experiences, Older Characters, Original Character Death(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, References to Depression, Suicide, Swearing, Terrorism, Tsukishima Akiteru's family, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-10-20 03:14:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10653750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FinalEclipse_284/pseuds/FinalEclipse_284
Summary: Tsukishima hasn't visited his brother in a long time because he knows that his emotions will get the best of him if he goes.Tetsuro thinks he can help Kei. He wants to give the man he loves all his support and a proper relationship, but Kei doesn't seem to feel the same way.Yamaguchi is worried about his best friend. He believes that someone is behind all of Kei's misfortunes, but who could it be?(I don't know how "major" you would perceive this character death, but it happens in the first chapter. If there is another death, I will add a warning.)





	1. It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from "'No Good In Goodbye' by The Script". The title of the chapter is from the song "Hallelujah".  
> I'm not sure where this is going yet and it will probably have more chapters, including Kuroo Tetsurou/ Tsukishima Kei.

Tsukishima Kei stood still. His feet flat on the ground beneath which he knew the one he loved was buried. The one he still loves. His long, gentle fingers traced the carved out letters in the stone. The cold morning dew sat weightlessly on the stone and on the grass that neatly grew around it. Tsukishima hadn’t visited his brother’s grave in a very long time.

What’s the point?

Tsukishima didn’t believe that such things as _God_ and _heaven_ existed. His brother won’t see him; his brother won’t look upon Kei lovingly because he doesn’t exist anymore. He’s gone. Tsukishima will never get to see his brother again; he’ll never get a chance to hug him and tell his big brother that he loves him. Loves him very, very much.

“Akiteru.”

Kei no longer has an excuse to say his name. He may as well never have existed. The only proof of Akiteru’s existence is Tsukishima’s memory of his brother . . . and the pictures: the millions and millions of photos Tsukki keeps locked away. They may be stuffed into the darkest corner Kei could find and they may be covered in a thick layer of dust because Kei hasn’t looked at them since the day Akiteru died.

Why does he need to remember?

“Fuck,” he curses under his breath as yet another tear trickles down his cheek and falls to the ground to become one with the morning dew. Tsukki bites his lip to hold back a sob. “I miss you, you hear me? I miss you. How could you leave me? We promised to live together. You promised that we’d both survive. Why did you abandon me? If there’s really something after life, then I hope you’re happy. I hope you’re pleased with this!”

The words just flow out. There’s no stopping the flood of anger and memories once it starts.

He drops to his knees and holds his hands over his face. The ground is muddy and wet. The sogginess seeps into the fabric of Kei’s jeans. His knees sink into the ground, just that bit closer to his brother’s lifeless body; the body that used to hold Kei when he cried and raise him higher when he was happy.

There’s no one to hold Kei now. No one who can make him feel like there’s a reason to live on. No one to make him smile. No one who really understands him. No one, just _no one_.

Kei’s fist connects with the stone. There isn’t enough force to call it a punch, not enough hate for a punch, because Kei loves Akiteru. No one can replace Akiteru. That feeling of love is fantastic when that person is there, but it eats away at your heart when that person is gone. There’s nothing Kei can do with that huge hole in his heart. The part of his heart that was always occupied by Akiteru.

Someone said once that it’s not that you don’t know what you had until you lost it. You knew what you had; you just didn’t think there would be a time when you would lose it. Kei never thought he would lose Akiteru. He understood how lucky he was to have Akiteru, but he didn’t understand that he would have to say goodbye.

But he never said goodbye.

Akiteru is gone.

And Kei never said goodbye.

 

A gentle hand lands on Kei’s shoulder. He shivers from the unexpected contact. The hand is warm in contrast to the chilling morning air. Tsukki refuses to look up at the owner of the hand; he keeps his face in his hands. His fingers are cold and aching against his forehead. His tears have collected in his palms.

A pitiful site.

 _“If only that hand belonged to Akiteru,”_ Kei thinks. He gasps as another memory of his brother is awakened in his mind. The day their parents died. The day their lives were taken away because the car tires simply didn’t have a good enough grip on the road. A death with no purpose.

Just like Akiteru’s.

No purpose.

The two brothers had sat in the passenger seats of the car. They saw the car crash after the wheels lost their grip in the ice and snow.

They hit another car.

Three more pointless deaths.

The shards of glass went flying. Several piercing through their parent’s skin.

The force from the crash was strong enough to send their car tumbling to an upside down position.

Akiteru thought fast. He grabbed his brother and pulled him out of the broken car window when the doors wouldn’t open.

Another two cars weren’t fast enough to stop before crashing. That’s when the engines caught fire.

Five more deaths.

Their parents were still alive. Trapped, injured, but alive.

Kei tried to break out of his brother’s arms to save them, but the latter was too strong. Kei cried.

The car caught fire.

They watched their parents burn because they couldn’t do anything else.

 

Tsukishima looked up to see Kuroo standing over him. The man pulled the prior to his feet. Kei could have shown more gratitude, but he just walked home. Kuroo had convinced him to go in the first place. Kei would have never gone. It may be cowardly, but Kei didn't want to confront his feelings.

Luckily, Kuroo didn’t expect anything.


	2. Pictures of you still make me cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so, so, so, so sorry. This wasn't how I planned this chapter would turn out. It just . . . happened.
> 
> The title of the chapter is from the song "Don't let it end" by the Styx. I'm not a fan of the song, but I like the lyrics.

Kei leaned over the railing of the small balcony; a cigarette sat loosely between his index finger and his middle finger as he inhaled the smoke. It wasn’t pleasant, but he didn’t understand why he just couldn’t stop himself. Something about the bitter taste made him forget about his past.

“Kei,” a deep male voice behind him said. He heard footsteps coming his way and felt the older man’s arms wrap around his waist. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s why I didn’t want to go, Tetsuro,” Kei replied, his voice was just above a whisper. “What was the point? He left me, why should I have to suffer even more?” Tears flooded Kei’s eyes. Wasn’t the world so much better when it was blurred? The blond pulled off his glasses to further haze his vision. He didn’t usually cry, but – if he started – it was impossible to stop.

Kuroo separated himself from Tsukishima to spin the blond around and press his back against the balcony. Kei’s back arched slightly over the railing. Tetsuro kept his hands on Kei’s hips, but it took a lot of restraint for the raven not to slide his arms under Kei’s shirt and enjoy the soft, silky feel of Kei’s skin.

“Don’t bottle it up,” Tetsuro said. “Let it go, Kei.”

“I don’t want to,” Kei said. He let the cigarette fall into the ash tray next to him and rested his long arms on Kuroo’s shoulders. “I want to forget.” The blond had to stand on his toes to reach Tetsuro’s lips with his own.

The raven let their lips connect. Kuroo tasted of harsh mint, but Tsukki could taste something sweet – something like strawberry shortcake. Kei licked Tetsu’s bottom lip, begging for permission to taste more of him. Kuroo granted him access as Kei’s tongue explored inside his mouth. Tsukki’s tongue was gentle: there was not heated passion or irresistible desire, just Tsukishima’s need for a distraction. Kei bit down on Kuroo’s lip, tugging as it slightly and the raven hissed before turning away from the blond.

“Tetsu?” Kei begged.

“You taste of cigarettes,” Kuroo said.

Kei smirked, a habit he had gotten from Tetsuro, “Sorry. Should we continue after I brush my teeth?”

“Tsukki,” Tetsuro said. Kei glared at him for the use of the old nickname. “I don’t want you to use me like a distraction.”

“I’m no-”

“Yes, you are,” Kuroo interrupted him. The raven cupped the blond’s face, bring him closer. “Don’t fuck with me. I want to know what you really feel.”

Did Kei feel anything? No, he didn’t think he did. It wasn’t safe to feel anything if you’ve already lost everything you’ve cared for. Did he really not care about Kuroo?

“I don’t know,” Kei sobbed. He slid down to the ground and buried his face in his knees. Kuroo sat next to him; his arm sat around Tsukki’s shoulders and his cheek rested against Kei’s soft curls. “I don’t want to love you, Tetsu. I know I sound like a jerk, but what if I lose you? What if you leave be? I can’t live through another loss. No, I’d rather die.”

Suddenly, Tetsu pulled Kei towards him so Kei was straddling the raven. Kei’s golden brown eyes were wide as they gazed into Kuroo’s darker ones.

“Get your head out of the clouds, Tsukki. You changed my life. I cannot live without you, even if I wanted to. And I don’t want to. I love you. I love you so, so much.” Kei let the tears flow for the second time that day. It bewildered him how Kuroo could confront his feelings so easily.

“I . . . I love you, Tetsuro. Please never leave me. Please stay with me. Please. Please -” Kuroo knew that when Kei’s sentences were this fragmented, he meant everything he said. The raven interrupted the begging by smashing his lips against the blond’s. A gasp escaped from Kei’s lips as Tetsu’s hands held Kei’s knees and pulled him up. He walked back into the apartment, laying Kei onto Kuroo’s bed before leaning over his to continue stealing his lips.

 _“Please, Kei.”_ Tsukishima remembered his brother saying over the phone. _“Promise me that whatever happens, you will keep living.”_

_“Aki, what-”_

_“Just promise me,” Akiteru’s voice was rushed and interrupted by sharp breaths._

_“Aki, where are you?” Kei askes._

_“Please, Kei, promise me. It’s my last wish.”_

_“Akiteru, where are you?! I’m coming to get you, don’t go anywhere.” Kei kept the phone against his ear and he started running. He didn’t know where to run first, but he decided to go to Akiteru’s apartment._

_“Kei, they’re dead. I can’t live anymore.” Unconsciously, Kei’s legs slowed down. Aki wasn’t talking about mum and dad. That happened eight years ago._

_“Aki, member what you still have to live for. Please. You have a wonderful wife and a daughter and a son. You can’t leave them!” Kei shook his head and ran faster. He bumped into people he had never met and his eyes skimmed over their faces. Where could Aki be?_

_“No,” a small whisper came from the other end._

_“What?”_

_“Emiko is dead, Aiko is dead, and Tadashi is dead!” Akiteru yelled into the phone. Kei couldn’t continue running, his couldn’t catch his breath. It felt as if someone was pressing down on his neck – someone was trying to suffocate him. Emiko was that beautiful girl Akiteru had loved since his first year of high school and, a few years after their parents’ deaths, they got married. Aiko was their oldest daughter: a beautiful girl with her mum’s black hair and her dad’s golden brown eyes. And Tadashi . . . the little baby boy Emiko had given birth to six months earlier. The baby boy that Kei had picked a name for, of course, he called the child after his childhood friend. Tadashi Yamaguchi._

_“Aki, that’s nonsense.”_

_“Emiko took the children to get them checked out at the hospital,” at this point Akiteru’s voice started to sound manic or insane. “They were in the terrorist attack. The building was attacked, they got killed!”_

_“Don’t do anything, Aki. Wait for me,” Kei kept moving._

_“I’m sorry, Kei.”_

_“Aki?” The phone started beeping. “Aki! Akiteru Tsukishima, answer your bloody phone.” Kei kept punching in numbers as he tore through the crowd and up the stairs of Akiteru’s apartment building._

_The door wasn’t locked._

_It stood wide open and when Kei rushed in there was nothing more to see other than the lifeless body that was hanging down from a rope._

_Kei couldn’t breathe._

_His vision blurred._

_“It’s not Aki. It can’t be. Aki would never leave me. Aki wouldn’t . . . die. He can’t die. Aki wouldn’t . . .”_

_Kei ran out of breath and everything around him was swallowed up by darkness._

_Akiteru couldn’t die._

“He wouldn’t leave me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just clarification: Emiko was Akiteru's wife, Aiko was his daughter who died when she was five, and Tadashi was his son who died when he was six months old. I know that death from a terrorist attack would be quite unlikely, but what has this world turned to? It's too common for comfort.


	3. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Mad World" by Gary Jules. It's a depressing song, I don't really know if I like the song or not. Anyway . . .
> 
> The first part of this chapter is told from Kei's perspective - just his inside thoughts. Not much talking in this chapter, but I did need to clarify what type of world they live in. Sorry, the chapter turned out shorter than I wanted it to be.

_I’m scared, Kuroo._

_I’m afraid that, one day, you’ll get too close to me. I’m terrified that, one day, you’ll know me too well. I’m frightened that my defence will prove too weak to keep you out. It will dissolve under all unrequited feelings._

_You don’t understand._

_I’m fearful that I don’t deserve the life I have. Why should I have you when all the people who used to surround me are gone? Why should I be loved when I hate those who left me?_

_I’m a scary person._

_I understand that I’m using you. You’re beautiful. You’re kind. You’re the best thing I have. And I use you. You’re my distraction. You’re my lifeline because – without you – I no longer have a purpose to live. You blind me from all my other problems._

_But you also make me forget the few people I have._

_I still have reasons to live. That’s why I’m alive, but you overpower all the other reasons. Your light makes me blind. You’re always so bright and powerful, it’s truly wonderful, but your light swallows everything else up. Everything becomes white and blinding. Everything looks the same. I can’t make anything out._

_I_

_feel_

_lost._

_I want you._

_I want your light._

_All the perks that come with you._

_I’m using your blinding light_

_to forget_

_everything._

_I love you._

_I love how you understand me. I love how you support me. I love how you make up for everyone I lost and you still have enough soul in you to be even more. I love how you seem unconscienced to all the cracks and sharp edges that make me up._

_But I also hate it so much._

_I hate how I need to worry. I hate how you force me to act like a functioning human being. I hate how you make me afraid. How you make me afraid of myself._

_Because I’m frightened – I’m freaking terrified – that, one day, you’ll see me the same way I see myself._

_I’m so, so scared that you’ll hate me the same way I hate myself._

_I’m scared you’ll notice the flaws._

_I’m scared that you’ll leave me._

_Like they all did._

_I have more faults in me than I have assets, I know that, but I don’t want you to. I want to be perfect for you, but I’m not good enough for that. I want to help you the same way you help me, but I’m not strong enough for that. I want to love you, but I don’t have the right to._

_And, if I do, what then?_

_What do you get from loving me?_

_I’m useless. I’m completely useless, even for the people I love. I can’t make you happy, I can only make you worry. I can’t help you up when you fall, I will only drag you further down. I can’t even smile at you to raise your spirit because I have no spirit to spare._

_I hate how you make me fall for you – how you make me love you._

_I hate how I can’t hate you._

 

 

Kei quietly laid in bed. His shoulders occasionally shook and a small sob would escape from his lips. Tetsuro knew, but he would never admit it to Kei. The blond hated discussing his feelings and the little bit Kuroo was able to get out of him the night before was surprising enough. Kuroo tried his hardest not to wake the sleeping beauty as he got off the bed. He walked across the bedroom to the door leading into the open area kitchen and living room. He headed to the bathroom.

Most of the bathroom was covered in black tiles, Kei’s choice. Kei designed most of the apartment. It had a clean and modern look to it that clearly reflected Kei’s choice in profession. Both men worked as hackers, professional hackers for the government. People who were willing to risk losing their internet identities and lives to get information on other countries or find illegal activity on the Dark Web. A well-paid job, but only people who have nothing to lose are willing to risk it.

Did Kuroo have nothing to lose?

Kuroo smirked. He had Kenma, but Kenma was a hacker, too. He had Bokuto, but Bokuto put his on the line by chasing after criminals as a policeman. He had Akaashi, but Akaashi went anywhere Bokuto went. Kuroo had many more people he could lose, but Kei put his life on the line. If Kei went down Tetsuro would try to get him back up. If that didn’t work, Tetsuro would go with him.

Kuroo stripped off the few pieces of clothing he was wearing and got under the shower. The cold water hit his toned muscles with a powerful blast, but the raven refused to back down from the challenge. He stood under the blasting water until his skin felt completely frozen over and covered by goose-bumps. His whole body was shivering and he was forced to question his sanity as the water slowly warmed up.

A quick rinse was all Tetsuro needed to feel at least partially alive this early in the morning; 6:30 to be precise. That’s when a hacker’s job begun. They couldn’t work from the comfort of their large apartment. No matter how many encryptions a hacker uses, another hacker can trace the signal if they really wanted to. Every month, they would be sent to another location so their place of residence could not be pinpointed. That could sometimes involve flying to an entirely different country if the hacking job involves breaking into a foreign government-secured system.

Hacker may also be an oversimplified term. They were soldiers who worked for the government, they would do anything the government needed. The world had upgraded to using technological threats on rival countries and the Japanese government needed hackers who they were willing to train and accommodate. Not long ago, Kei and Tetsuro worked on the same undercover-agent mission within Japan to find the source of unknown drugs spreading through the country.

“Tetsu?” Kei’s sleep-deprived voice broke the silence. Tetsuro wrapped a towel around his body and gently patted his black hair with another one before he looked towards the source of the voice. The gorgeous blond stood in the doorway. His curly hair was longer than the time Tetsuro first met Kei and it stood in its own beautiful, messy way on top of his head and slightly framing his face. His eyelids looked heavy with sleep and his golden-brown eyes had a warm, honey-sweet tone to them.

Kuroo smiled, “Sleeping Beauty decided to join me?”

“Tsk,” Kei clicked his tongue. “You better have a reason for pissing me off this early in the morning.”

 

Kei’s eyes were red and puffy from crying into his pillow.

Kuroo wished he knew how to make it stop.

How do you stop the tears?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has any questions about the hacking world Kei and Tetsuro live in, I'd be happy to answer. I also have something planned for the next chapter, but if anyone has any ideas or anything they would like to happen, just leave it in the comment below. I don't want to focus on their job too much, it's just something that will provide me with an interesting story line.   
> Thank you for reading.


	4. Dreams fight like machines inside my head like adversaries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Hurts Like Hell" by Fleurie.
> 
> Wow, this is a slightly longer chapter than the previous ones. I think I should clarify that Kei is around 21 and Tetsu is around 24, but these are not definite ages so it's really up to whatever you guys want. I just want them to be of working age, but also at an age where they can still have fun by drinking and all that.

It’s difficult to understand a person who has lost everything they’ve ever cared for when you have been blessed in comparison. It’s difficult to know what it feels like when you don’t have anything left to live for. Kuroo understood that. He could write down a list of everything that he loved, everything that he ever wanted, and every little thing that was ever grand enough to brighten his day; he could take that list and burn it – pretend that all those things were now gone – and believe that that is what Tsukki felt like.

But that would never be enough to empathize with Kei.

It’s not enough because he understood that all those reasons to live were not truly gone and – in the end – who cares about material things. What builds up the world around us aren’t the things, but rather the people. And Kei didn’t have those people for a very long time, and he was able to survive.

Tetsuro frowned upon the fact that this way of thinking hadn’t always been common knowledge and basic human sympathy. This was something he had to teach himself to understand because the lifestyle he grew up used to was just too privileged.

You know that feeling that you get when you remember something that you wish you would have never done? That terrible shiver that runs down your spine, the unbearable cringe that floods your mind, and the need to shake the memory out of your head because it’s too regrettable. That’s what Tetsuro felt every time he remembered the way he used to think and the worst thing was that he couldn’t remember the individual thoughts that fuelled his action, he only remembered the way he acted towards people who were less lucky in life.

Tetsuro gave in to the need to try and shake the idea out of his head. It didn’t work, but it earned him a seriously confused look from Kei. It seemed as though violently shaking your head in public was not deemed acceptable. Though it wasn’t entirely “public”.

Tetsuro and Kei were occupying the two back seats of a black taxi with heavily tinted windows to the extent of barely any line reaching the inside of the car. The men’s packed luggage occupied the back-storage compartment. There was a decent amount of luggage: not too little, not too much. Seeing as both were used to travelling often, packing lightly was only a matter of habit. The majority of the luggage space was taken up by various technological gadgets anyway.

“You seem . . . distant,” Kei pointed out. He gently nudged the raven in the side and gave the tiniest tension of the lips as a smile. Tetsuro could only grin back. “So, where are we heading to this time?”

“Turkey,” Tetsuro replied.

“The beach? Is this a surprise holiday?”

“Yes and not exactly,” Tetsuro answered. He fished out his phone and – for extra precaution – switched on incognito mode before searching for their hotel’s website. “We’ll be staying at the beach and several other agents will join us. There is a new mafia group that has been known to be pros at getting drugs anywhere necessary and we’ll be hunting them down before they cause any major damage. Meanwhile, we will pretend like we are on holiday.”

Tetsuro handed his phone to Kei and immediately tensed his shoulders as he felt a finger run up his spine. “Relax, Tetsu. I understand that the last few days have been hectic, but you don’t need to act like you have a stick shoved up your ass. It’s no fun that way.” The blond mumbled the last sentence, but Tetsuro heard every word and couldn’t hold back the creeping smile.

“Thanks, Tsukki.”

“Tch,” Kei clicked his tongue and turned to face away from the raven. He examined the open webpage. The hotel was clearly paid for by their employer. Every picture looked too posh and extravagant to be for commoners.

After a few minutes, the taxi came to a stop and the driver stepped out to unload their luggage. Kei awkwardly shuffled towards Tetsuro so the blond could exit through the same door. They both stepped out, took their luggage, and made their way to the airport.

“So -” Tetsuro started.

“Please don’t,” Kei interrupted him.

“‘Please don’t’ what?”

“Don’t say whatever you’re going to say, it can’t be good.” Kei lengthened his steps, but Tetsuro wasn’t far behind. They made their way through security, collected their tickets, and – after what seemed like several hours – got onto the plane.

“Business class, row 3, seats A and B.” Kei’s voice came out more monotonous than usual, but that was expected from the tiring morning. The stewardesses went through the usual safety routine that nobody ever listens to and the plane started moving.

The plane was an almost entirely elite plane so most of the seats were first class or business class and at the end of the plane there was a bar.

“Want some wine or champagne once the bar opens?” Kuroo asked.

“No,” Tsukishima replied.

“Some snacks?”

“No.”

“Look at that,” Tetsuro said. “Your mood’s crappier than mine was this morning. Cheer up. We’ll be on the beach soon.”

“Who’s joining us?”

“I think it’s Akaashi, Bokuto, Oikawa, Iwaizumi, and possibly a few more agents.” Kei groaned.

“That the worst _undercover_ team Ukai could have possibly chosen,” he whined. “What was that old bastard thinking.”

“He didn’t chose the team,” Kuroo said. This attracted the blond’s attention.

“Kuroo . . .” he warned the older man.

“Yeah, sorry, my bad. This was a volunteered only job considering that it’s an unknown threat, so I signed us both up.” Tetsuro smiled goofily and Kei flicked his forehead. “Shit, that hurt.”

“You signed me up to spend God knows how many days with some of the loudest imbeciles in the industry. Including yourself. You more than deserve that,” Kei deadpanned. A small noise echoed through the plane to alert the passengers that they were allowed to remove their seatbelts. “I changed my mind. I want some red wine.”

“Yes, sir,” Kuroo chuckled as he left his seat and made his way to the bar.

 

“Getting a drink for your girlfriend? How sweet,” a lady sitting at the bar teased as Tetsuro waited for his order.

“No,” he responded plainly.

“Oh,” the lady gave her friends a sneaky smile. “How about getting me a drink then?” Kuroo allows his eyes to inspect the woman. She was clearly around his age: she had long black hair – half of it was tied up into a messy bun on the top of her head while the other half cascaded down her back – and her pouted lips were painted bright red. Her eyes screamed “fuck girl” and she seemed to arch her back in the most uncomfortable position to bring out her large chest and butt.

Don’t get anything wrong: Kuroo saw the appeal in women, but not the ones who were willing to look like fools to get a guy. Plus, the raven had Kei. He didn’t want anyone else.

“Sorry, honey. There's someone waiting for me,” he said politely as he picked up two wine glasses.

“I’m sure they can’t be as good as me,” she pouted. Kuroo leaned towards her and she gave him a triumphant smile.

“Oh, sweetheart. He’s better, much better than you could ever be,” Tetsuro smirked. Her smile seemed to melt off her face and her cheeks flushed.

“How – how dare you?” she whispered.

“Hey, you!” A voice came from the door to the bar and Kuroo looked up just as a large man started walking towards him. “What do you want from my girl?” The man grabbed Kuroo’s collar and pushed his face into Kuroo’s personal bubble. The muscles in his arms flexed.

“Chill, I’m not interested in h -” Tetsuro started to explain, but the woman interrupted him.

“He wouldn’t leave me alone,” she whined.

 _“Bitch,”_ Tetsuro thought as he grabbed the man’s arm and started to twist it in a direction it shouldn’t go. The man yelped in pain and released Kuroo’s collar. “Look, big guy. I’m not interested in your girl. Let’s leave it there and not start something you’ll regret.” Kuroo was about to move away from the guy, but the latter’s strong grip remained on Kuroo’s shoulder and pushed him down to the ground. Pain shot up to Kuroo’s head as it slammed against the ground. He heard several screams from around the room, but most of the noise was covered up by the loud music and the buzz in the raven’s head.

“I’ll show you who regrets this,” the man said.

“Fuck you,” Tetsuro said back. He swung his arm and it easily connected with the larger man’s face as his neck snapped back, but when the man’s gaze returned back to Kuroo he looked even more aggravated.

“You, little shit!” The man’s arm almost hit Kuroo, but the latter dodged it. Tetsuro found his feet and pushed himself up, but the man tackled him back down. Several other people tried to help get the man off Kuroo, but they were all too afraid to get close.

“Sir, please calm down! Sir!” The bartender yelled.

 _“Damn it! I’d love to snap this guy’s neck right now,”_ Tetsuro thought. _“But I shouldn’t hurt him . . . much.”_

The larger man kept Kuroo pinned to the ground as he landed several punched to Kuroo’s stomach and chest. Kuroo kicked him off and planted several punches himself. The other man grabbed Kuroo’s arm and twisted it behind his back as Kuroo’s face smashed against the floor. Kuroo’s was ready to admit that the idiot had won, but suddenly he felt the grip loosen and the man’s body weight was entirely on top of him. Someone kicked the unconscious body off and pulled Kuroo up by the elbow.

“Kei?” Tetsuro said, surprised.

“Bloody idiot. I leave you alone for a little bit and you go and get yourself into something like this,” Kei said.

“What did you do to him?” the raven asked, gesturing to the man lying on the ground with several people surrounding him.

“Knocked him out,” Kei explained. “Don’t worry nothing serious, but . . .” Kei leaned in to whisper the next part, “You brought more attention to us than I would’ve liked.”

“Don’t worry,” Kuroo joked. “If you’re going somewhere with me, you’ll have all the attention on you.”

“Tch,” Kei clicked his tongue. “Of course, how can anyone possibly ignore your rooster hair?”

Kuroo laughed, but quickly regretted it. “Fuck.” He grabbed onto his stomach as the pain flooded his insides. Kei looked at him apologetically before taking the two glasses and Tetsuro’s hand to lead him out of the bar and back to their seats. He let Kuroo sit down and placed one of the glasses in front of him.

“I’ll go see it they have anything I can treat your wounds with,” Kei said, placing the other glass on his own table in front of his seat. “Say here, I’ll be back in a second. Don’t start another fight.”

“I didn’t start the last one,” Tetsuro whined.

“I don’t care, Kuroo-san. You always act too rashly. Think things through, would you?” Kei said. His voice sound more heartfelt.

 _“Kei doesn’t like when actions are too rash,”_ Kuroo told himself. _“It reminds him of Akiteru.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter took so long. Exam period is starting at school and it's stressful. I won't be able to post new chapters very often for the next three weeks, but I'll try my best. 
> 
> Also the next few chapters will be set at the beach and if there is something in particular that you want to happen I would love to try and include it. I do have some ideas too.
> 
> Thank you for reading. (I know one part of Kuroo's past isn't very clear, but that's for a later chapter.)


	5. But tears, they come and go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from "Find Me" by Sigma featuring Birdy. Just saying that I absolutely love this song.
> 
> This is just something I was able to pull together during free periods between revision.

“Tsukki,” Tetsuro whined. “That hurts.”

“Tch. Just be patient, big baby.” Kuroo and Tsukishima were sitting on the king-size bed in their hotel room, while the blond dabbed a cotton pad soaked in disinfectant and gently applied it to the other’s open cuts. “You should be ashamed.”

“Hmm?”

Kei sighed, “How did a commoner beat a well-trained agent and . . . why did the fight even start?”

“Did you see the size of that guy: he was taller than you and had a larger build than Bokuto! And that’s saying something.” Kuroo shivered when the chemical once again connected with a cut near his upper lip.

“I’m guessing he started it?” Kei asked. He was giving his full attention to Tetsuro’s cuts.

“Pft. Of course,” Tetsuro rolled his eyes. “He thought I was flirting with his girlfriend.” Kei’s hand suddenly froze and he glared at Kuroo. “Kei? You know I wasn’t flirting with her!”

“I would like to think that,” Kei said. Tetsuro noticed the slight fall in the corners of Kei’s mouth. The older man wrapped his fingers around the wrist of Kei’s spare hand.

“Tetsu?” Kei paused.

“I love you,” Tetsuro said. He brought the blond’s hand to his own face and nuzzled against him. Kei’s fingertips were always called and even though both men were now at the beach and it was boiling outside, the AC in their room was enough to make Kei’s hands cold to the extent of making Kuroo shiver on contact with them.

“I know,” Kei replied.

Tetsuro pouted, “That’s not how you’re meant to reply.” Kei broke into a gentle laugh. He covered his mouth with the back of his hand while still holding the cotton pad. The raven smiled at the pleasant reaction. “So, will you say it back?”

Kei’s laugher died down and he smiled, but did not answer to the other’s request. “Was this girl pretty?”

Kuroo decided to brush off Kei change of topic. “She was barely a girl,” he explained. “Certainly older than you, unless shit-loads of makeup now has the ability to age people. Anyway, I wouldn’t call her beautiful, but she wasn’t ugly either.”

“I see you know how to flatter your lover,” Kei joked.

_“Lover,”_ Kuroo thought, smirking. “Baby, there is absolutely no one in the world I want more than you.”

Kei blushed and hastily stood up to throw away the used cotton, but Tetsuro wrapped his arms around Kei’s waist and forced the blond to sit on his lap. Tsukki’s back sat comfortably against Tetsuro’s toned chest. Two thin layers of cloth separated their skin. Oh, what Kuroo wouldn’t give for that cloth to disappear, but there was something else he needed to do first.

Kuroo placed his chin on Tsukishima’s shoulder and gently breathed into his ear. The blond yelped.

_“Cute,”_ Tetsuro thought. “Kei, what’s your definition of ‘lover’?” He heard Kei sigh.

“Kuroo-san, not this again,” he said. He tried to break free of Tetsuro’s arms, but the struggle was useless.

“Please, Kei. I don’t want you to think that I don’t understand how terrible everything was for you before – maybe still is – but I’m afraid to let you slip into self-pity. I’m afraid that you’ll never give love a chance – that you might never give us a chance.”

“Kuroo.”

“I want to make everything better, but it’s so difficult because I don’t know what to do. How can I make you feel better?”

“Kuroo.”

“I really don’t want to hurt you – ever. I just -”

“Kuroo, would you listen to me?!” Tetsuro shut up. Kei took a few deep breaths before starting to speak again. “I know that, but I’m sorry . . .” The blond untangled himself from Tetsuro’s arms and stood up: facing the raven, but looking down at the ground. “. . . I can’t give you what you want. I did tell you that when you first asked to date me. I can’t date you because everyone I love – everyone I care about – disappears in the end. Fuck-buddies, yes. But boyfriends, no. Partners, no. A family . . . I’m sorry Tetsuro. I understand if you want to start dating someone. I just . . . can’t give you what you want.”

“Date someone else?” Kuroo mumbled.

“Huh?” Kei looked up in absolute horror, but quickly covered up the expression with a smile. “Yeah,” his voice cracked. “Should I ask if they have a spare room seeing as this one has only one bed?”

Kuroo stood up and embraced Tsukishima in a tight hug. “You’re an idiot,” he said.

“Thanks,” Kei replied. Tetsuro pulled away from him and cupped his face.

“Sorry if this isn’t the outcome you wanted, but I am **not** giving up on you.” Kei smiled. His eyes fogged up and Tetsuro noticed the effort Kei put in to not let the tears spill. Kei had cried more in the last two days than he had in the two years before. “Sorry, Kei.”

Kei gasped when Tetsuro’s grip tightened. “I -” Kei began to say, but was interrupted by loud knocking on the door. Kuroo huffed in disappointment. Maybe what Kei was going to say was important and now he won’t say it.

 

 

How would you describe the feeling of wasting your life away? Well, whatever it is, Tsukishima was experiencing it. He had spent the last two hours in the hotel’s evening club with Bokuto, Oikawa and Kuroo. Needless to say, he was regretting all his life choices. Bokuto was wasted and was having a competition with the speakers on who could sing louder. Oikawa was flirting with every other pretty face that dared to look his way. And Kuroo . . . well, he had spent fifteen minutes in the man’s toilets throwing up after his drinking competition with Bokuto. The guy never learns that no matter how hard he tries, he will never _ever_ succeed.

“Tsukki!” An obnoxious voice echoed through the club towards Kei.

_“Fuck this,”_ he thought. _“Ignore it and it will go away.”_

“Come, join me, Tsukki!” The voice kept at it.

_“Bloody bastard,”_ Kei said to himself. _“Does he have no sense of self-awareness?”_

“Hey, is that guy calling for you?” Kei looked up to see the bartender leaning over him with a pleasant smile. The roots of his hair were dark while the ends were bleached and dyed an orangey-yellow. “You better reply before he chases all the guesses away.”

“Ignore it and it will go away,” Kei repeated his thoughts out loud.

The bartender’s smile brightened, “Got it. Anything I can get for you?” Kei noticed something metallic in his mouth, which reflected the scarce light in the club.

“A Tom Collins would be great,” he replied and the bartender began mixing alcohol, slipping in some lemon juice and an orange slice. He carefully poured out the sweet drink and handed it to Tsukki.

“Here’s a Tom Collins with my little secret ingredient,” he winked. Kei replied with only the faintest smile. He took a sip, admiring the taste. The alcohol wasn’t too strong, a nice starter, but there certainly was something there that he had never tasted before. “Any good?”

Kei nodded, “What is it?” The bartender smirked and pressed his index finger against his lips.

“That’s a secret.” He leaned in closer, but Kei was too sober to fall for the obvious flirty move. He was about to answer back when a hand landed on his shoulder and pulled him back.

“Tsukki,” the familiar, obnoxious voice whined. “I was calling you, didn’t you hear me? You heard me, I know it! Oh! Tsukki were you flirting with the bartender?” Oikawa kept on babbling. He didn’t usually act this way, only under the influence of alcohol. A lot of alcohol.

“I wasn’t flirting, Oikawa-san. What do you want? Or is it your purpose in life to bother me for no reason?” Kei said. He was getting seriously pissed.

Oikawa pouted, “So mean, Tsukki.” He shifted himself to sit on the blond’s lap – not in a sexy way, but in a very child-like manner.

_“Great,”_ Kei thought. “Stop with the nickname, would you.”

“But Kuroo gets to call you that,” Oikawa said. He slipped Tsukishima’s glass out of his hands and downed half of it in one go.

“There are a lot of things that Tetsuro can do and no one else can,” Kei deadpanned. “And put that down, selfish swine. Get your own.”

Oikawa decided to ignore everything but the first sentence Tsukishima said, “You mean like having sex with you.” Kei felt his cheeks heat up slightly.

“That hasn’t happened in a while,” he explained.

“Do you miss having Kuroo inside -” Kei covered Tooru’s mouth with his hand.

“Stop the fuck there,” he said. “And why would you assume that Tetsu is the top?” All Oikawa had to do was lifted an eyebrow and Tsukishima got what the brunette was trying to say.

Of course, Kuroo was bigger in build and certainly stronger. He did look like the sort who would be able to hold out until the end, but looks aren’t always accurate. Fair enough, Kuroo did usually top, but Tsukishima also got his fair share of times to show off his skill. When they actually did . . . have sex. Then Kuroo asked the blond out and that’s when things started to go wrong.

Tsukishima did not agree to being partners with Kuroo, but Kuroo wanted a proper relationship: something real and stable. Tsukishima suggested to entirely break off whatever it was that they had, but Kuroo didn’t want that. Somehow, he got Ukai to make them partners on missions and Kei was forced to live with the raven. And how they met . . . well, that’s not a very pleasant memory, at least not for Kuroo. When you’ve got a lot of money, that can make you a pretty big target.

“Let’s dance,” Oikawa’s loud voice broke through Tsukishima’s memories. They seemed to shatter like glass and, suddenly, the blond couldn’t remember what was on his mind a second ago. We all get that sometimes.

“You call that dancing?” Kei said, gesturing at the crowd of sweaty bodies, pressed together, and bobbing up and down to the music. Tsukishima felt like he might just join Kuroo in the toilets and gag as well because you can’t possibly ‘dance’ without getting somebody else’s sweat on you. _“Disgusting,”_ he thought.

“What? Are you afraid to show some moves, Tsukki?” Oikawa teased.

“Not quite drunk enough to fall for that, Shitty-kawa.” Tooru frowned, slid of the blond’s thighs, and proceeded to pull him towards the dance floor. “Stop. Why do you even need me to dance? You’ll just be grinding on random strangers anyway.”

Oikawa shrugged, “I just want you there. And I can’t ‘grind on random strangers’, I – for your information – have a boyfriend.” That made the blond pause to think for a second.

“So, you finally asked Iwaizumi out?” Kei could not – would not – believe it. If Tooru is really in love, or what he deems to be ‘really in love’, he will be the pretty damsel in distress and _not_ make the first move.

“Sort of,” the brunette mumbled.

Kei nodded, “Of course.” Of course, Oikawa and Iwaizumi weren’t actually dating. It was all in the brat’s head.

“I know what you’re fucking thinking,” Tooru said. “I will ask him out. He’s thick as a log and just won’t take the hint.” Kei bit his lip as to not burst out laughing.

“Oikawa is calling someone thick, that’s a development,” Kei forced out between sharp intakes of air to calm himself down. “Has it never occurred to you that he knows you like him, but he doesn’t like you back?”

Oikawa tilted his nose up, “Impossible. I’m fucking fabulous and everyone knows it.”

“I seem to be blind to the part of you that’s fabulous,” Tsukishima deadpanned.

“Well, you should probably get better glasses,” Oikawa deadpanned back.

Kei hit him on the top of the head, “My eyesight isn’t that bad. Though I wish it was, I wouldn’t have to see your face all the time.”

“What about Tetsuro’s face?” Oikawa asked smugly.

“Fuck you and your overinflated ego, bitch.”

The brunette just smiled back, “What can I say? I try. Now, dance!”

“Fine. As long as your crotch stays as far away from me as possible,” Kei sighed as let himself be dragged to the dance-floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do comment if you actually want me to write a little bit of the dance scene or just skip to a beach scene.


	6. Just scattered pieces of who I am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from "Pieces" by Red.
> 
> I know this isn't long, but I've been revising a lot and didn't have time. Next week is exam week! I just thought I had to update because I've been gone for a long time.
> 
> Please enjoy and thank you for waiting. I'm sorry for any typos or bad grammar.

Kuroo groaned. “But I don’t want to,” he whined.

Tsukishima never thought there would be a day when he would be dragging Kuroo outside. “Too bad,” he replied. “We’re supposed to keep an eye on the beach and we’re not doing it from the hotel room.” He huffed as he continued to drag Kuroo through the beautifully carpeted hallways towards the elevator. “Why did you drink so much yesterday?”

“I will never give up without a fight,” he declared in his half-asleep tone. “Especially if it’s against Bokuto.”

“You’re a bloody idiot,” Kei sighed. Tetsuro chuckled, but immediately latched onto his head in pain.

 

As much as Tsukishima hated the bright sun, it was pleasant once in a while. The golden sand scorched his feet, but the way it pooled around his feet was greater than the pain. The sound of waves breaking before him filled his ears and the sun reflecting on the surface of the clear water left him at a loss for words.

“Wow,” was all the boy could muster. He didn’t notice as the beautiful raven gazed at the blond’s face lovingly.

“Want to get into the sea?” Kuroo asked. He laced his finger through Tsukishima. The felt his breath hitch as Kei turned towards him with an enthusiastic smile, but the smile quickly faded and was replaced with a scowl.

“Don’t blush like you’ve never seen me smile!” he blurted. Tetsuro laughed, pulling his love closer towards himself.

“Come on, lovebirds. Otherwise we’ll just spend the whole day in the beach café rather than actually at the beach,” Iwaizumi commented. He had arrived very early in the morning and would have been able to get a decent amount of sleep. However, the man was cranky meaning Oikawa didn’t let him sleep.

Both Iwaizumi and Bokuto decided to wear swimming jammers for some reason. The tight fabric was anything but appropriate for a family friendly beach. They accentuated every muscle in the men’s thighs – and a _bit_ more than that.

Oikawa covered his eyes with sunglasses and wore swimming boxers in an ocean green. The pale and gentle colour brought attention to the man’s toned and already tan chest. The boxers were short and revealed more leg than Tsukishima ever wanted to see.

Akaashi looked cute in a simple pair or grey swim shorts and a white, unbuttoned shirt hanging from his shoulders. His muscles were decorated with thin, white-rose-pale skin with his hair, a sharp contrast.

Meanwhile, Kuroo wore plain white swimming shorts. Tsukishima had thought the attire was casual, but _damn!_ Kuroo had long legs and full thighs and made the shorts seem even shorter. The white colour made his honey-toned skin stand out. The raven’s hair was messier than usual from the humidity and his skin had a beautiful shine to it.

Kei decided to wear black swimming shorts, but standing next to those five guys just brought all his insecurities crashing down on him. He wasn’t quite as toned at the four older men, but he wasn’t cute like Akaashi either. His pearl white skin stood out like a sore thumb so he wore a white tank top and covered his eyes with tinted glasses to avoid unwanted eye contact.

“Tsukki,” Kuroo purred, snaking his hand underneath the top. “You can’t tan properly with this on.” Kei didn’t budge. “And you’re skinny enough for me to see your nipple through the large arm gap,” Tetsuro snickered.

Kei crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the man. “I can see both of your fucking nipples.” Tetsuro broke out into a laughing fit.

“Fair enough,” he said before he wrapped his arm around Kei’s waste and pushed him towards the sea.

Tetsu pulled Kei’s hand as they raced through the scorching sand – Kei felt like he was running on shattered glass – and ended up in the cold, clear sea water. Tsukki’s shirt was drenched. Kuroo laughed and Tsukishima repaid by splashing the water into his face. The salt tinged in his eyes and on his skin and brought a disgusting taste upon his mouth, but he continued to laugh.

“Kei. Tetsu.” Akaashi was meant to be calling the two men over, but his voice was drowned out by the happy screams and giggles from children on the beach.

“Get over here, assholes! Or you’ll burn to a crisp without protection!” Iwaizumi yelled.

“I think they’re fin with that,” Akaashi commented as he made his way to his boyfriend to rub sun-cream over his back.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa purred as he handed the man some cream. “Help me.”

Hajime sighed as he squirted some cream onto his palm and started to rub the cold substance onto the beautiful man’s back. “That’s cold, Iwa-chan.”

Hajime smirked to himself as he brought his hands to Toru’s sides and started to tickle him. The brunette tried to squirm away from the touch, but his resistance was futile. “Iwa-chan, so cruel!”

Keiji tried to ignore the obvious flirting going on beside him and focus on the man he was forced to straddle. He was now rubbing cream onto Bokuto’s chest as if the owl couldn’t do it himself.

“Akaashi, you’re so pretty.” Kotaro said in, what seemed to be, more of a dream-like state than an actual compliment. The owl was hit hard by a hangover and was resting his forehead on Akaashi’s shoulder. “I love you.”

“I love -” Akaashi’s sentence was cut short when Bokuto’s lips wondered to his neck to leave kissed there. “Bo, we’re in public!” he yelped.

“Hmm,” Bokuto hummed into the man’s skin.

“Bo! Stop it before someone sees,” Keiji said. Kotaro complied, but groaned in distaste. Keiji cupped his face and decided to cheer him up. “Maybe later.”

Bokuto smiled and nodded.

* * *

 

“Kei,” Tetsuro started. “If I offer you food, you eat the food. Just as you would if this was something sweet.”

“But it’s not sweet,” Kei glared down at the food placed before him as if he could set fire to it.

“You’ll only get ice-cream if you eat the main meal first,” Kuroo said.

“You know I can buy my own ice-cream, right?” Tsukki raised an eyebrow at him.

“Eat,” Kuroo gestured at the fish.

“Does Tetsu always have to force you to eat, Tsukki? Not to mention, offer you a reward for eating. Are you five?” Oikawa teased.

“I’m not the one who had a tickle war, Shittykawa.” Kei pointed out.

Bokuto and Kuroo snickered.

“Shut up,” Oikawa said.

A silence sat between the men as everyone decided to start eating. Kei was his usual self and decided to only eat half of everything he had on his plate before Tetsu finally agreed to buy him a strawberry sorbet.

“Who’s up for a game of beach volleyball!” Bokuto exclaimed.

A spark of competition ran across everyone around the table.

The made their way to the beach courts.

 

Kuroo felt like he couldn’t breathe every time Tsukishima jumped to block on the opposite side of the net. Kei’s hair was a curly, blond mess; his cheeks were red from the heat; his skin shined in the sun; his eyes filled with concentration; and his tank top stuck to his moist skin.

Tsukishima never saw his own beauty and Kuroo knew that. He did understand it, especially when they played together. Kei jumped again. His long legs stretched out further, his arms reaching up, every beautiful finger elongated forward over the net, and his eyes glued to the ball.

The game was Tsukishima, Bokuto, and Akaashi versus Kuroo, Oikawa, and Iwaizumi.

Tsukishima’s team didn’t have much of a chance as Kuroo blocked each one of Bokuto’s spikes and the latter was getting more frustrated. And Tsukki could barely keep up with Oikawa’s serves.

“Come on, Tsukki!” Kuroo yelled when Tsukishima bent over and placed his hands on his knees to regain his breath.

“Fuck off, Tetsu!” he yelled back.

“I’m serving,” Oikawa announced. The ball was thrown up, spinning in the air as Toru moved back to get a run up. When his hand connected with the ball, the ball flew straight for Tsukishima in the back of the court.

The blond had missed the last to serves and seemed to be getting angry.

“Damn it,” Kei mumbled to himself. His knees bent and his arms stretched forward really to receive. The ball connected with his inner arms and he angled his body forward to direct the ball towards Akaashi. His knees straightened and the ball was safely Akaashi’s responsibility.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Bokuto yelled as both he and Tsukishima ran closer to the net. Sand stuck to their moist skin and filled the air around them. All three men on the opposite side of the net moved towards Bokuto to block him, but as the ball connected with Akaashi it was sent over the net. The ball hit the sand and the point was theirs. “Akaashi!” Bokuto yelled.

The wrapped his arms around the other in a bone-crushing hug. He rubbed his face into Akaashi’s chest. “Kotaro,” Keiji forced out. “Can’t – breath.” Bokuto didn’t let go.

“Tsukki,” Kuroo said rubbing his head. “Well done.”

“I don’t need your praise,” he replied. The blond slapped his hand away.

Tetsu laughed, “You’re so cute.”

Before he could reply to Kuroo, a hand was placed on his shoulder from behind. He turned around to see a familiar face, but he couldn’t remember who it was.

“Tsukki, right?” the man asked, holding a hand out.

“Um, yeah, sorry. I don’t think I know your name.” Kei flinched at the use of the nickname from someone unfamiliar, but decided to ignore it.

“Kei doesn’t like being called ‘Tsukki’,” Tetsu said sharply. He pulled the blond away from the stranger, clearly confused.

“Well, I’m Terushima Yuji,” he smiled. Kei recognised the shiny metal sphere on his tongue, it was the bartender from the night before.

“Tsukishima Kei,” the blond said as he finally shook the other’s hand.

“I hope to see you at the bar again, _Tsukki_.” Terushima said with his own little smirk as he turned away from the group.

“Who was that?” Kuroo asked, looking unexpectedly curious.

“You tell me,” Kei replied. “He introduced himself and I don’t know much more about him than what he just said.”

Kei noticed the raven staring at Terushima’s back as the man got further and further away. His gaze could have easily been mistaken for jealousy, but Tsukishima knew Kuroo too well for that. The man noticed something about their knew arrival that Tsukki hadn’t and the latter didn’t like that thought.

“Cat got your tongue?” he asked.

Tetsuro finally broke eye contact with Yuji’s back and smirked at the blond. “I am a cat,” he said.

“Yeah, right.”

“Meow,” Tetsu did his best to imitate a cat. It honestly looked pathetic for a grown man to be meowing and purring while holding his hands like paws up to the sides of his chin.

“Nice. That’s really intelligent.”

“Meow.”

“Tetsu, stop -”

“Meow,” Tetsuro interrupted Kei.

“Stop.”

“Meow.”

“God, you’re so frustrating!” Kei exclaimed.

“Why, thank you. I try,” Kuroo straightened up and took a bow as if he was expecting applauses. He looked up at Tsukishima and smirked. Again.

“What’s gotten into you?”

“I just feel happy,” Kuroo said. His smile turned genuine as the took the blond’s thin, elegant hand in his and placed little kisses on the palm.

“Kuroo,” Kei whispered. “Please don’t.”

Tsukishima was always afraid to get too close to Kuroo. Kisses were common, but they were usually rough. Far from the loving kisses Kuroo was giving him now. They slept together before – until Kei realised that Tetsuro wanted more. They often slept in one bed and would spend every waking hour together because of work, but Kei was a pro at blocking people out even if that person was someone like Kuroo or Bokuto.

But there were times when Kuroo got to him. The actions didn’t have to be particularly intimate or sensual – just something caring and sweet was all it took for Kei to think that he wants Tetsuro. Wants him all to himself. That he wants to date him and that he wants everything that Kuroo could offer him, but he knew that he can’t have it. He shouldn’t have it.

If everyone you love disappears . . .

. . . wouldn’t he be putting Kuroo in harm’s way . . .

. . . if he fell in love with him.

 

The game continued, but Tsukki couldn’t concentrate. The ball kept hitting his fingertips and fly right past.

 

Tsukishima remembered Yamaguchi.

He remembered what Yamaguchi said.

 

He didn’t believe him.

He didn’t want to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the story planned out, but - I'm not sure - what rating would be best to write it in. I think it's mature at the moment, but I think I could try taking it to E. I don't know, I've never tried before.
> 
> Please comment. :D


	7. A heart that's broken is a heart that's been loved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: "Supermarket Flower" by Ed Sheeran because I love that song.
> 
> I know this chapter is short, but it just felt right to make it short otherwise there wouldn't be any suspense.

Yamaguchi never believed that Tsukishima’s misfortune was an accident. For him, someone was after Tsukishima. Someone was trying to bring him down and keep him tied down. And what could be a bigger coincidence than Kuroo showing up in his life.

Yamaguchi never liked Kuroo.

Tsukishima couldn’t understand why.

At times, Kuroo was his only source of happiness. His positive attitude, gorgeous smile, seductive body, and huge personality. He was always there to hold Tsukishima when the blond was hurting and he actually wanted to help the blond, which was a lot more than Tsukishima could say about most other people.

 

The group of men had spent a week at the beach between searching the net for any signs of cyber-attacks by the mafia group and thorough searches of the area. The bartender, Terushima, had shown up several times and Kuroo’s weird suspicion of the guy had grown worse.

By the time their last day came, they hadn’t found anything. No one but Kei seemed particularly upset and Kei understood why. The chances of them finding something were near to zero in the first place and everyone got a nice holiday in return.

Everything was packed for their early morning plane.

“Kei,” Tetsuro whined as Kei walked around the hotel room for one last check. “I don’t want to leave.”

Kei frowned at him, “What are you talking about? This was a mission – one that we failed, no less – and we need to get back to Japan to continue our work. Come on now, we need to get to the airport.”

Tetsuro came up behind the blond as the latter was trying to lift up the heavy luggage. The raven placed his arms around Kei and on top of the blond’s hands on the strap of the bag.

“I don’t need help,” Kei mumbled. Kuroo grinned at him as he placed a kiss on the blond’s temple.

The sky parted as they stepped outside, unleashing its true colours. Rain fell to the ground, lightning broke out and thunder roared in the distance. The airplane was incredibly close to the hotel they were staying in to allow some of the worker – including Terushima – help carry the bags to the check-in desk.

“I’m sorry,” the lady behind the desk stoke out. “Your flight has been delayed until tomorrow morning due to the terrible weather. Would you prefer to wait in the airport or at your hotel?”

“Here,” came Kuroo’s instantaneous response.

“Sorry,” Kei said pulling the slightly shorter man away from the check-in desk as the other four men followed. “Why do you want to wait in the airport? Wouldn’t it be better to get one last chance to keep an eye on the hotel?”

“It would just be a haste to get up early tomorrow morning to get here,” Akaashi said and the other men – except Tsukishima – nodded.

“What’s going on?” Kei asked accusingly. “The airplane is literally five minutes walking distance away. Do what you want, I’m heading back.”

“No!” Kuroo said impulsively. His hand quickly flew to his mouth to try and cover up the obvious slip up.

“Kuroo, what’s going on?” Tsukishima said.

“No, it’s just -” he stopped to think. “- we should all stay together.”

“Spare me the bullshit, Tetsuro. I’m heading back because there is something all of you are hiding from me and I don’t like being made to look like an imbecile.” Kei turned on his heels and started to walk away just as Kuroo’s hand reached out to stop the blond and a blaring siren went off.

“PLEASE ALL PASSAGERS,” said a monotonous voice. “REMAIN WITHIN THE BUILDING FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY. WE HAVE NO RIGHT TO STOP YOU FROM LEAVING, BUT THEREIS A TERRORIST ATTACK WITH THE VISINITY. PLEASE REMAIN CALM. PLEASE STAY SAFE.”

Kei looked back at Kuroo to reveal his surprised expression, but was met with Kuroo’s calm and collected features.

“You knew,” Kei mumbled, but his voice grew harsher with every word. “You knew this would happen and you didn’t tell me! You don’t try to stop it! Kuroo, what’s going on?”

“Kei, I can’t explain now. Please, just stay here with me where I can protect you.” Kuroo’s voice sounded so sweet and innocent, but Tsukishima knew better than to fall for it.

“I’m not hiding behind walls while other people die. They’re innocent people, for God’s sake, Tetsu! You can’t just leave them!”

Kei remembered how his family died. He was saved from facing the same death as his parents, he was kept away from the fire so that it wouldn’t hurt him as his parents burned. He remembered that he didn’t even know that his brother’s wife and two children were being killed as the attack in the hospital happened. He remembered talking to his brother on the phone as the man stood on a stood with a rope around his neck.

Kei would never want anyone to experience the pain he had: the pain of losing the people you love.

“Sorry, Tetsu, but I’m not waiting around in here until the attack passes.”

 

Tsukishima broke through the crowd of people trying to enter the airport for safety. His skinny frame came in handy as the other six men – including Terushima – tried to follow him.

His legs moved quickly towards the source of all the fleeing people.

It was the beach, the same beach they were staying on and what a coincidence it was for the attack to happen when the men were meant to be on their first plane. As Kei ran, raindrops stuck to his glasses making it even harder to see.

Due to his job, Kei was legally allowed and required to carry a gun around and this was no different. He reached to the leather casing hanging from his belt and pulled out a small handgun.

When he finally reached the beach, he saw something that he hoped he would never have to see.

There were bodies. Everywhere. Blood pooling around ice cold bodies. Cold, lifeless eyes staring in horror, but not seeing anything. They were dead, so many of them. They were all gone from this world and they all felt someone behind. Someone who would understand the hurt that Tsukishima felt.

But they weren’t random.

Kei recognised the people who were killed. They were major figures like famous police department leaders, specialised detectives, everyone who was probably sent on the same mission Kei was. There were still people screaming and running past him.

Tsukishima struggled to locate the attacker, but – when their eyes met – Kei didn’t see any insanity or thirst for blood. He saw the eyes of another person who would kill the innocent to survive. Kei saw his next target.

As he raised the gun to aim, so did his target.

Two shots were fired.

Both bullets drew blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, please, please don't hate me. I will make everything clear in maybe the next couple of chapters. 
> 
> Comment.


	8. You are the thorn on my rose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: From "Kisses Lose Their Charm" by Porcelain Black
> 
> Oh look, I finally decided to upload after lazing around for - what? - two weeks. I'm so sorry. I don't actually know why I couldn't get myself to write this chapter. This chapter may be a bit confusing, but stuff in italics are memories from Kuroo's perspective. And I'm sorry for any bad spelling or grammar.

The bullet didn’t hit him.

 

It flew past.

 

But it pierced flesh.

A body laid next to Tsukishima. His shoulder bloody, his chest rising and dropping with every deep breath. The bullet hit Terushima, who jumped in front of Kei as the bullet flew closer. Kuroo’s hand was on the man’s gun, pulling it away. Tsukishima saw him yell, but he heard nothing. A thick cloud fogged up his vision and screams from frightened people still buzzed in his ears.

He wanted to help the man bleeding on the ground, but he couldn’t move.

Kuroo knew.

They all knew what was going to happen so why did they decide not to act upon it? Why would they allow good people to be killed? Why didn’t Kuroo tackle the armed man?

Tsukishima’s eyes focused on Kuroo in sudden realisation. The man who shot Terushima stood in front of Kuroo and all the other mafia followers stood facing the raven. Their weapons were lowered and their ears attentive to every word Kuroo said.

Why didn’t they shoot? Why were they listening to Kuroo?

Tsukishima felt betrayed. It couldn’t be true. Kuroo could possibly . . . be part . . . of the mafia.

Kei did know what he could do. He had no power against the numbers of the mafia. The only person who he knew was on his side was Terushima and latter was losing blood by the second on the ground.

Tsukishima pushed his feelings aside as he leaned down and pulled his white tank top over his head to wrap the material around Terushima’s shoulder. The man groaned in pain.

“Don’t worry,” Tsukki whispered. “I’ll get you out of here, we’ll get your wound cleaned up and properly bandaged. I know it’s painful, but – if we stop the blood – it’s not dangerous.” Tsukishima got another groan in response.

“I don’t think so,” a voice behind Tsukishima said. Something heavy crashed over his head before he could find the source of the voice. A black cloud swallowed everything in front of Tsukishima as the pain ran through his scalp and he drifted away in a wide see of unconscious memories.

 

* * *

 

 

_There were hands all around him._

_Fists connected with his face. The inside of his mouth overflowed with blood, the unpleasant iron taste was so palpable. His body wouldn’t move. It was sore all over._

_“Die, motherf*cker!” A voice yelled. Another fist connected with his stomach. It felt like it punctured his skin, drilling all the way through his stomach._

_Kuroo’s left eye was swollen and he felt half blind. His bottom and upper lip were both bleeding, the blood dripped down his chin and stained his shirt. After more punches, he found himself with his knees on the floor, a hand wrapped around his neck. The material of his jeans was meant to stand between his skin and the floor, but it tore and the skin on his knees with it._

_“Asshole,” he mumbled through gritted teeth._

_“What did you say?!” A fist was raised for it to come crashing down on Kuroo’s face. The raven prepared himself for the impact, but it never came._

_The grip around his neck was gone as several bodies fell to the ground: not dead, just unconscious._

_Only one man still stood in front of him. The man who knocked the others out. Kuroo wanted to see who it was, but his vision was blurred as everything before him was swallowed by a dark abyss._

_“Thank you,” slipped out of his lips before his head hit the concrete._

 

* * *

 

 

As quickly as the darkness came, it was gone. Tsukishima’s head still buzzed from the pain. His scalp burned and it felt slightly wet.

 _Blood._ Tsukishima thought. He wanted to check the bruise, but his hands stayed stationary. They were tied behind his back and to the frame of a metal chair on which Tsukishima was sitting. His legs were also tied up and a cloth covered his eyes as another sat between his teeth.

He decided not to move. Captors got pleasure from their victims’ struggle.

He was the victim and Kuroo was the captor.

A groan erupted from Tsukishima’s chest as he lifted his head up. Suddenly, he regretted the motion as a hand pulled his chin up. Tsukishima refused to lift his head, but didn’t snatch it away.

“Sh. Calm down,” a familiar voice said. “It’s alright, Tsukki.” The voice cracked as arms embraced Tsukishima.

The voice belonged to Yamaguchi, but what would the boy have to do with the mafia that kidnapped Tsukishima?

“Ya-ahuhi?” Tsukishima tried to say through the cloth in his mouth. He heard a chuckle.

“Suppose you wouldn’t believe me until you saw it all for yourself, huh?” Yamaguchi sounded almost amused. But he was hurting, Tsukishima knew that much.

Yamaguchi always told him to be careful.

He tried to warn Tsukishima.

Tsukishima tried to push the cloth with his mouth, hopefully getting his intention across to his childhood friend.

“Sorry, Tsukki,” he said. “Can’t do that. I’m only here to make sure that you are alright.”

“Teruhi-a?” Tsukishima managed.

Yamaguchi’s voice caught in his throat. “He’s . . . hurt.” Tsukishima felt a hand on his aching scalp. He shook the hand off, forcing more pain to flow to the wound. “Oh, that’s pretty nasty.”

The blond heard some shuffling before something cold and wet was placed. He growled at the pain.

“Sorry, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said. As he moved the material covered in disinfectant Tsukishima bit down on his own lip in pain.

_Shit. It hurts._

Yamaguchi worked on his wounds for several more minutes in silence. In the time, Tsukishima allowed himself to slightly shake his head from time to time to allow the material around his eyes to slowly slip off. As it got thinner, he was able to make out certain areas of the room. He expected himself to be hidden in some sort of basement, but what he saw before him hinted more towards a luxurious apartment, similar to the one they left behind in Japan – only larger.

Tsukishima couldn’t make out the particular function of the room he was in, but right in front of him was five-metre-long wall that had large windows covering it from start to finish. Tsukishima could barely make out the little different coloured lights from far away buildings in the dead of night. His metal chair sat on a polished wooden floor and all around him were large sofas – at least they looked like sofas.

The thick, heavy silence was sliced through by muffled shouts and clicking of shoes emitting from a different room, slowly approaching. Something heavy slapped against the door and it flew open, crashing against the wall. The shouts were suddenly much louder, Tsukishima could feel their voices vibrate against his skin and clicking of their feet against his own. A hand lashed at Tsukishima’s hair: rough and unfamiliar. His hair was pulled back making his face clear to his abuser.

The owner of the hand seemed to growl. “This is what you’re putting us all in danger for?” he hissed. His breath felt war against Tsukishima’s face and the latter couldn’t help but flinch. “Kill him.”

“No.” This voice Tsukishima recognised: it was Kuroo. “He’s not going to be leaving here anytime soon and if I want to keep him as my prisoner, I can.”

Tsukishima tugged on the cloth with his teeth. He didn’t want to be treated as a possession. The grip on his hair tightened before he was finally released.

“Do what you fucking want, Kuroo, but our secret lies on your shoulders,” the man spat before he walked out of the room with several more footsteps following him. The room flooded with silence once again before steps approached Tsukishima, Warm, gentle hands moved towards the ropes and clothes that bound him.

Tsukishima saw Kuroo standing in front of him, dressed neatly in a jet-black suit. His hair was jelled back and a tie choking him around the neck.

“Tsukki-” he started, his voice gentle and sympathetic.

“Shut up.” Tsukishima raised his freed hand up between himself and Kuroo. “I don’t want to hear anything from you.”

A firm hand clasp around his wrist, rending that hand useless against Kuroo. “You don’t have a choice.” The sudden drop from a warm, caring voice to a cold, emotionless took Tsukishima by surprise. Another hand rested on the small of his back, pulling him up to his feet. “But I wasn’t planning to explain anything anyway.”

The blond struggled to pull his hand away, but it was fruitless. “I’m not your little toy, Kuroo. Let me go.”

“I wasn’t planning to use force, but you’re making me reconsider my decision. I’m not giving you up that easily, Tsukki.” Kei furrowed his eyebrows and his muscles tensed.

“You thought I would willingly stay with you?” his voice was dripping with venom. “You’re a fucking mafia leader! Forget it, Kuroo!”

_Slam!_

Tsukishima’s back was forced against the wall and both his arms were pinned to either side of his head.

“Fuck you, Kuroo.”

 

* * *

 

_Kuroo woke up in a hospital._

_White walls, crisp bedsheets, clean bandages, the smell of disinfectant, and an unfamiliar figure sitting beside his bed._

_Perfect locks of golden hair, brown eyes with their star-like shine, and porcelain skin. His head rested in thin, white fingers. He didn’t look at Kuroo._

_It was the first time Kuroo felt like there was someone he wanted._

_Someone he truly wanted, not just lusted for. The raven tried to push himself up off the bed, but as the pain shot up his spine, a groan escaped from his mouth. The mysterious stranger turned to look at him, the light from the moon outside reflected in his eyes as the gazed through the windows of each other’s souls._

_“Umm,” he blond hummed. “I’ll leave now.” He stood up from the chair he was occupying, but not before Kuroo had a secure grasp on the man’s arm._

_“Don’t,” Kuroo begged. “You saved me. . . Who are you?”_

_A gentle smile crossed the man’s face. “Kei, Tsukishima Kei.”_

At that time, that man’s smile was real.

At that time, it wasn’t a way to cover up his pain. Not quite. He still had a reason to live: he had his best friend, he had his studies, and he had his brother.

That smile faded over time into something stone-like and unnatural.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Kuroo a good guy or a bad guy? To be totally honest, I'm not sure myself.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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